Category: personal

annotations

I had hoped to post something witty and insightful tonight. Instead, I spent several hours finishing up an assignment for my senior project. Well, kind of. The assignment was an annotated bibliography to provide the foundation for the 25-30 page paper that comprises the bulk of the senior capstone project. Except that I’m doing a different sort of project, a collection of original poetry. What does an annotated bibliography have to do with the creation of a collection of original poetry, you ask? Good question. I’m still not sure.

(However, Dr. K, on the chance that you happen to see this, I would like to add that it wasn’t completely useless, and it did inspire me to do a lot of reading and thinking about my own theories of poetics.)

Anyway, where I’m really going with this is that I just wanted to tell you that I’ll be reading in York, at the Market St Sparky & Clark’s, on November 11th. That’s a Saturday; 7:30pm sharp! Kind of sharp. Okay, probably not really all that sharp, but it’s not a huge place, so if you want a seat, you should get there earlier than 7:30.

I think it’ll be good, although I’m getting increasingly nervous. The good comes from the fact that I hope to have the bulk of my senior project done by then, so I should have a lot of new stuff to read; the nervous comes from the fact that I’ve so far spent the first almost-half of the semester on stuff like this annotated bibliography — stuff that doesn’t directly contribute to the writing of the best poems you’ve ever heard.

No, no, I’m not quite that narcissistic.

dog days

Well. It’s been almost a month. Sorry about that.

My MacBook arrived. I love it. I doubt I’ll ever buy another PC, though I’ll undoubtedly have to use them for work, etc., in my future life. Whatever that happens to be. I’m so impressed with the Mac’s elegance and ease-of-use, with the included software, and, of course, the aesthetics. The transition was remarkably easy — probably because the interface is so intuitive — and where Windows comes with Solitaire and not much else, the Mac comes with a boatload of fun (and sometimes even useful) software to play with. I have daily fantasies of discovering that I am a natural at creating beautiful movies — and even soundtracks to accompany them — and have only been lacking the software with which to do so. My sister has discovered that there is no better way to spend a quiet Massachusetts afternoon than by taking one’s own picture with the built-in camera over a hundred times.

And that’s where I am now — Massachusetts — enjoying another quiet afternoon. Jancey and I came up Sunday afternoon for a few days of relaxation before the semester starts next Monday. It’s dreamy here. Our aunt lives due east of Boston, across the bay, on a tiny spit of land called Hull. It’s a small town where the police blotter in the local paper contains true small-town fare:

12:28 p.m. Caller reports she is on U St. with a confused, elderly female. O/Colligan detailed and reports the woman lives on Manomet Ave. Family members said she sometimes forgets to take her medication. She had gone out to have her hair done…

9:53 p.m. Waltham St. caller reports a loud group of youths. O/Dunn detailed and reports the kids were chasing a skunk and have been sent on their way…

6:21 p.m. Beach Ave. Caller reports finding a bike on his lawn. Wil leave it for maintenance to pick up…

On the other hand, last night we took a half hour boat ride into Boston for some big-city shopping (literally — Urban Outfitters), and an evening with Johanna, one of my oldest friends. I mean the friendship is old; she’s my age. We had a lovely dinner overlooking the Fort Point Canal, then walked, trained, and bussed to Johanna’s apartment where we spent a mellow couple of hours.

I’m not a city girl, but I enjoy having friends to visit in fun places. This was the third city I’ve visited this month — DC for the Corcoran and Potbelly sandwiches, Pittsburgh for sushi, beer, and one of the best breakfasts of my life, and now, of course, Boston. When I visit cities, I try to imagine myself living there. (Don’t worry, Mom, I think I’ll probably stay in Harrisburg.) I started the month thinking Boston was my favorite, then DC, and then, well, Pittsburgh wasn’t even on my radar. But I really liked Pittsburgh. It could use a subway (I don’t know why, but I love subways), but the cost-benefit analysis reveals it to be a no-brainer. Let’s review:

  • Convenient to Harrisburg
  • Full of college/university students
  • Rife with interesting restaurants
  • Coffeehouses on every block (well, almost)
  • In the midst of an impressive-appearing revitalization
  • Etched with not just one but THREE rivers
  • Green green green
  • Low crime rate
  • Outpost for a gaggle of tech companies I’d love to work for though I’ll never be qualified for anything useful
  • Cheap

So, really, that’s everything I need. Maybe an integral school would be nice.

Anyway. That’s a fantasy as real as the possibility that I’m a genius musician whose latent talent will become blindingly obvious as soon as I take the time to really play with GarageBand. Actually, I suppose Pittsburgh is a whole lot more likely than that.

This was a fairly boring post after such a hiatus. I know you were thinking I’d have some incredibly insightful thing to say about all the issues I’ve been silent on — Lebanon, Cuba, Iran, JonBenet, etc. Sorry about that. Maybe later.

For now I’m off to enjoy the rest of a lazy afternoon on the porch, one hand occupied with a book, the other with a cat.

symmetry

There are few things worse than asymmetrically constructed relationships, but for the last few years, they have, in one way or another, been all I have had. But I believe I have finally broken the cycle.

In my last post, I made a public declaration of love. Today I learned that it has been reciprocated. That’s right — when the beautiful woman working the second window at the Union Deposit Burger King handed me my food she said, “Here you go, love.” Love.

I was so overjoyed that I forgot to ask for sauce to go with my chicken fries. I was okay with it — what is sauce compared to true love? — but when I arrived at my destination and unpacked the brown bag, I found that she had, without my prompting, included two containers of buffalo sauce. I have never been happier.

an accumulation

Just because I’m not posting doesn’t mean I’m not accumulating potential things to post about. It does frequently mean I haven’t done enough reading or thinking to feel like I have anything significant to add to the conversation, but today I’ve decided to throw caution to the wind and just start typing.

First up, as promised, is an attempt to make Diego feel at home. The Mexican election. I am, of course, a little behind on this one, but since it looks like it won’t be fully resolved until September, I hope you’ll forgive me. The New York Times had an interesting article on Mexico’s Red-Blue split, which is not unlike those in other Western democracies. Northern Mexico, increasingly industrialized and engaged with the US, is more conservative, while the south, very rural and poor, is more liberal. While it does sound like Obrador has a huge commitment to and track record for helping the poor, it continues to sound to me like Calderón might be a better option for long-term economic growth in the country. The south, according to what I’ve read, is very anti-globalization — but southerners are migrating northward in search of the higher-paying jobs globalization has helped to create. Like any good mostly-liberal, I am aware that globalization can have devastating effects on traditional cultures, but at this point it seems naive to try to build an isolated economy. It seems more realistic — and ultimately more effective — to work on safely growing the economy within the larger world market.

Completely changing topics, I have two major loyalty shifts to announce.

I have decided that the time has come to publicly declare my love for Burger King. This is somewhat embarrassing given my previous commitment to McDonald’s, but my silly infatuation with that McDonald’s boy was sophomoric compared to my current feelings. This love extends to the whole Burger King franchise, and I can remain silent no longer. The food is better. They serve frozen Coke. They print funny things on their packaging. And not only am I a sucker for absurd marketing, but it makes me think that somewhere, someone has a job that consists of thinking up witty things to put on hamburger wrappers. It brings a smile to my day. Thank you, Burger King, for defining “baggler” for me, for having nearly perfect french fries, and for putting that little sauce holder in the chicken fries carton. And that cupholder-sized chicken fries carton you were testing in Virginia? Go nationwide with it. Please.

As I abandon the Big Mac, though, I find myself turning to other Macs. The MacBook, that is. I ordered one on Monday, as a birthday gift from my parents, who I was a little worried might disown me when I announced that I wanted a Mac. We have been a family of PC users since the early 80’s, years before the famous Superbowl ad, and we have scoffed together at those Mac fanatics and their ridiculously colored computers and their single-button mice. But, after years of knowing that Windows is no better, I have finally decided that I am ready for something new. I’m working hard to not become a Mac fanatic, at least not before the laptop actually arrives, but I’ve been reading the tutorials and stuff on the Apple site and getting increasingly excited. The estimated delivery date is still almost two weeks away. I’m hoping they give pessimistic estimates. I don’t know if I can make it that long.

local blogger writes boring post about cats

My parents are in North Carolina, and so this week I am at their house to feed the cats, water the plants, and perform the asundry household duties that did not depart with the residents of the house. (BTW, Harrisburg, this means we should hang out.)

To avoid having to drive back to Westminster every day to take care of my own cats, I’ve brought them with me. We (by “we” I mean “the cats and I”) had a fairly hellish hour and twenty minute drive during which they cried almost non-stop — interrupting themselves only to pant like they were dying. The air conditioning in my car isn’t working right now. I felt horribly guilty for putting them through such agony, but I kept telling them it would be worth it when we arrived because they’d have a whole new world to explore and we’d be on vacation! so we could just lie on the couch and cuddle, maybe fall asleep in the sun, and, most of all, enjoy the climate-controlled environment of my parents’ home.

When we finally arrived, I set up their litter box, put out some food and water, and let them out of their carriers. They ran into my sister’s room and hid under a chair. I sat in the hallway calling them until they came to see what the fuss was about. They sniffed everything. They peered through the windows at the cats lounging on the porch. They even ate a little. I sat on the floor with them for fifteen minutes until they were finally comfortable enough to sprawl out on their backs and start purring. I thought that was a good sign, so I got up and made myself something to eat. Apparently that was not okay.

That was four hours ago. They’ve been hiding under the hutch at the end of the hallway ever since. They poke their noses out when I sit in front of it, but despite my cajoling, they will not come out. I’ve tried to explain that there’s nothing to be afraid of — even that the furniture is more afraid of them than they are of it. But they won’t come out. I’ve pleaded with them to please come keep me company, I love them, I promise I won’t let anything hurt them, I won’t use the microwave or flush the toilet or do anything else that might make an unexpected noise. But they won’t come out.

It’s lonely here in this big house with no one around. I was looking forward to their company. I just have to keep reminding myself that they do love me — that their fear is not of me, but despite me. And although it’s dangerous to keep my hopes up, I have to believe that they will come out, and we will spend a wonderful week cuddling on the couch and sleeping in the sun. They’re just waiting for the right moment. In the meantime, I have a lot of laundry to do.

being human

I chased the sunset tonight for the first time in many months, and for the first time ever in Maryland. It was not the most spectacular sunset I’ve ever seen, but it was an overwhelmingly positive experience. An adventure, even, since, unlike in Central PA, I don’t know anything about Maryland geography.

A general rule: if you don’t know where you’re going, leave early. This doesn’t apply to sunset chasing.

Another rule: the sooner you leave, the sooner you’ll get back. Also does not apply to sunset chasing. If you leave a full hour before the sun is going to hit the horizon, you can be very far away by the time you’re ready to start meandering back east.

I, for example, made it to Waynesboro, PA, before I decided it was time to start looking in earnest for a return route.

On the way to Waynesboro, though, I passed through Catoctin Mountain Park, which I have wanted to visit for some time. It was gorgeous. I need to go back sometime when it’s not, you know, dusk.

On the way to Catoctin Mountain Park, I passed through seemingly endless farmlands and a handful of cute little towns that are probably a lot less cute if you live there. The farmlands were also beautiful, and somehow subtly different from PA. The proximity to the mountains made the land even rolling-er than the rolling hills I love in Central PA. There’s also something just a touch more southern about it, maybe simply in terms of the architecture, but I had to remind myself a few times that I wasn’t really that far from home.

My deadline for what I’ve been calling “become a human being again” — being ready to re-enter the world after recuperating from the semester and reassembling my life in terms of things like vacuuming the floors, doing laundry, etc — was this weekend. I still need to mop the kitchen floor, but other than that, I’m pretty much human again. Last night, on my way home from my parents’ house, I thought I was going to be able to meet the deadline perfectly with a sunset chase. Alas, I was a few minutes too late. Doing it tonight, from my pseudo-home, may have been even better.

summertime…

This afternoon I turned in my final portfolio, and so, as of about 3:30 today, I am officially done with the semester.

This was a challenging semester academically, complicated by some difficult family stuff. There were a few points when I felt like I was on the brink of being overwhelmed — when I did feel overwhelmed, I guess. But it turned out okay. Maybe better than okay.

I’ve been happier, these last few months, than I ever have been in my life, despite the family stuff and the sometimes overwhelming work load. When I made the decision to come to McDaniel, I figured I’d do my time and get out, then return home to get on with the rest of my life. I didn’t really expect that coming back to school would cause me to grow in any meaningful way. But I think I have grown, and I think I will continue to do so. I didn’t have great reasons for choosing McDaniel, but it’s turned out to be the perfect place for me. I’ve been challenged and supported in ways I never dreamed of.

In the fall, I’ll be embarking on a creative senior capstone project — not something McDaniel traditionally offers — in the form of a collection of poetry. I’d say I can’t wait, but… I’m awfully glad it’s summer.

integral travels

Last night my father and I drove to Manhattan’s Upper West Side to meet Ken Wilber. My dad was invited because he’s made some posts to the Integral Education online forum, and the email he received said something like, “Ken’s making an unprecedented visit to meet the NY integral community.” The address given was for a private apartment. That was all we knew.

We did, of course, know that no one in their right mind drives to Manhattan. For a variety of reasons, we decided to ignore this bit of common sense. I should probably say right here and now that I had never been to New York City. However, I ended up doing all of the city driving. Had we not allowed a full two and a half extra hours in our itinerary, it would have been a very stressful experience. As it was, we were both able to remain calm even when we realized, immediately after emerging from the Lincoln Tunnel, that we were as lost as one can be in Manhattan. The highlight for me was when, while most of my mind was occupied with not running over pedestrians, I realized that we were driving through Times Square. To me, Times Square looks like a wall of people conspiring to keep me from making it through the intersection before the light changes. But.

It could have been a lot worse. It was, admittedly, overwhelming at the time, but now that I am a safe distance from trying to figure out how the hell to get onto Broadway without having to make a left turn, it seems more exhilarating than scary. But.

I don’t plan to drive into Manhattan again any time soon.

Once we found our destination and parked in the garage I’d found online, we found the building where we were to be at five (half a block from the garage), and crossed the street to spend the next two hours in Central Park. It was not really warm enough to spend two hours in Central Park, but it was lovely in the sun, and tolerable even without. We watched a young woman dancing on rollerskates, an elderly woman exercising, and hundreds of people just walking through; we listened to a saxophonist, and, not far away, a trio of cellists. I used a surprisingly clean but still absolutely disgusting bathroom. Mostly, we sat on park benches and absorbed the New Yorkness until it was time to find the specified apartment.

When we arrived, a few minutes after five, the living room of the apartment was full — FULL — of people. Maybe 40-50. Ken Wilber was seated facing the group. My dad and I found our nametags and took two of the last remaining seats. Because we missed maybe the first minute of Ken talking, I still really don’t know what he was doing in New York. Oh well.

The evening turned out to be kind of a group conversation. After the hour-plus spent on everyone introducing themselves to the group (“Hi, I’m Julia. I’m from Harrisburg, PA, and a student at McDaniel College in Maryland. A few years ago, my dad said to me, “You should really read this book A Theory of Everything. We’re involved with a self-proclaimed Integral school in Harrisburg.”), Ken talked about what he’s been doing, about some ideas from his upcoming book, and some thoughts apparently sparked by things people had said during the introductions. A lot of it was really abstract, and I have to admit I got a little lost for parts of it. We left at 9:30, after four and a half hours of that; it looked like it could be continuing for hours more. Part of me wanted to stay longer, but by the time we pulled into the driveway of my parents’ house at 1 AM, I was glad we’d left when we did. Also, my brain was full.

Hm. I keep starting a thought and then deleting it. I think I’m not done processing some of the mini-epiphanies I had last night and have had in the meantime enough to commit them to writing. Also, part of me is probably afraid you’ll all think I’ve lost it. On the other hand, I want to say something that will inspire you, my dear reader, to start thinking about Integral theory.

I’m at a loss. Wikipedia has an article, though, that might make for a good jumping off point. It’s here. Also, if you’re really motivated, A Theory of Everything, also mentioned above, is a good introduction. I’m told A Brief History of Everything is an even better introduction, but I haven’t read it, so I can’t, in good conscience, recommend it.

spring break

It’s spring break, finally. My body chose to take advantage of the time off by succumbing to the sickness that’s been percolating in the back of my throat for the past few weeks. I woke up this morning feeling better than I have in days, though, so I plan to be back to normal soon.

In the meantime, most of my time since Thursday has been spent sleeping, listening to audiobooks, and surfing the internet. And then sleeping some more.

I haven’t really looked at the news in weeks, so while I’m sure there are a hundred things going on that I could be blogging about, I don’t know what they are. But I will tell you about this poet Amazon recommended to me.

Her name’s Julia Copus (so I was predisposed to like her). She’s posted a few poems: my favorite is “Hymn to All the Men I’ll Never Love” (you have to scroll down a bit).

She’s no Louise Glück (whose new book I just ordered), but then, who is?

shout out

Yesterday I enjoyed the Super Bowl at a party hosted by my dear friend Tammy and her fiance, Neal. They have a lovely new home which they’ve been in for about a month. It’s beautiful and they’ve done a great job furnishing and decorating (if I bought a house it’d be years before I finished unpacking), but I have to say I’m not sure anyone I went to high school with is old enough to buy a house. But Neal made some awesome wings, the game turned out as 52% of me hoped it would, and I had a great time. I also did a carbomb for the first time, but that’s not really all that relevant.

As far as the Super Bowl itself…I walked in just barely caring about the game. Almost everyone I know was rooting for the Seahawks, but I had no real attachment to either team. But since there are people I love who really do care about the Steelers, and they are, after all, from Pennsylvania, I figured I should root for them. When I got to Tam’s house, it turned out that her sister was the only person there who wanted the Steelers to win, so I also figured she could use some moral support. I probably wasn’t into enough to offer much of that, but I did get more into it as the game continued. I don’t love football, but I like it, and although a largely anti-climactic game, there were a couple of nice plays.

Speaking of nice plays, I’m currently posting from the computer lab of the library here at McDaniel, and it’s time to venture down into the stacks to get a copy of Shakespeare’s Henry IV. Woohoo.

The main purpose here was to say hi to Tammy and Neal. Hi Tammy and Neal.