unstuck

Hi. Anyone still here?

I did some blog maintenance today, because the platform was so old that all its security flaws had been exploited and stupid hackers were flooding my world with spam. I think that’s fixed now. I hope. I updated the platform to the most recent version my host provides, and I thought it was going to break everything because I was *so* far behind, but mostly it seems to have just boogered up some of the special characters. Sorry about that. And sorry for any other broken stuff you find.

I think I might be about to get back into the blogging thing. It kind of tapered off when I got, as Ani DiFranco once put it, “distracted.” But there’s now one fewer distraction in my life, and words are starting to circulate through my brain again. In a writing way, I mean. I didn’t stop speaking or anything.

Who knows, maybe there will even be a poem or two around the corner.

This little description coming up is going to make it sound like the last three years have been awful, or soul-crushing or something, but please don’t read it that way. Mostly, they’ve been good.

But now I feel a little bit like I’ve been smashed against a wall, or frozen in a clear plastic cube, or something, and I was watching the world go by — albeit from a limited perspective — and now I’m…coming unstuck.

Anyway. I just wanted to say hi. Hi.

I hate Joe Biden

I hate Joe Biden.

I really don’t know anything about his politics, and I’ve never followed anything he’s done closely.

All I really know about him I learned from the John Roberts confirmation hearings, which I watched nearly all of. I remember nearly none of it, except that over the course of the blah blah blah and the blah blah blah I finally reached a point where I posed a danger to my TV every time Joe Biden’s face appeared on it. He was less blah blah blah and more BLAH BLAH BLAH. Like all the hot air he used to dry his hair had seeped into his skull and finally replaced his brain entirely.

I’m open to having my mind changed.

celebration

July 4th weekend spawned a variety of commentary on what it means to be “patriotic” — some of it thoughtful, some of it less so. I’m not sure where I’d fall in the mix, but my weekend was celebratory, and further endeared to me this place I call home.

We kicked it off on Thursday with a wine and cheese tasting at nearby Blue Bistro. They’re holding these events from 6pm to 8pm every Thursday in July, but this one was especially tantalizing, paired as it was with the work-free Friday following it. It’s $20 a person for samples of three wines and three accompanying cheeses. This past Thursday included a champagne cheddar served with champagne, a something something served with a something white, and a “true” Stilton served with a something white and sweet. You can tell how seriously I take these things. Seriously, I’m all about the tasting, less about the remembering. We’ll call it, “living in the moment.” And the moment was enjoyable, largely due to the company. The event itself was, well, not so much of an event. I pictured something with a little more ceremony, but they just brought out three glasses and a plate for each person, told us about all six of the items, then left us alone. I guess I was expecting each cheese to come out separately, and in retrospect wonder if that would have made it feel more ceremonious. But whatever. The full menu was also available, and both the red pepper bisque and the polenta — which they were kind enough to serve on its own, no order of less-stellar-salmon required — were outstanding. Their polenta must be half butter, but mmmm is it good.

After we finished our cheese, we returned to the house to continue the “wine tasting”, by which I mean the “wine overindulgence”. This was the first time we’ve had non-family at the new house for any length of time, and if we’d planned it ahead of time things would have been cleaner and more organized, but I also probably would have had less fun.

Friday was all about recovery, doing the cleaning I should have done before guests came over on Thursday, and then heading downtown to see Brasilian-by-way-of-Pittsburgh singer Kenia at the Hilton. Fun music, but we were both zonked, so we headed home relatively early, just in time to hear the fireworks but, due to the opaque buildings lining Second Street, not see them.

Fireworks then became the plan for Saturday, with my family scheduled to come for dinner and a short walk down to the river. At the last minute, though, I checked the schedule again, and saw that Saturday called only for “mini-fireworks” down at Vine Street — about a mile away. So we walked, and as we walked it became clear that I had not been the only one who misunderstood what and where the fireworks for the evening would be. For a while it looked like maybe we were going have them all to ourselves, until a clarifying announcement was made over the loudspeaker, and the droves began walking south.

The mini-fireworks were to accompany the Harrisburg Symphony Orchestra’s rendition of the 1812 Overture at the conclusion of their performance. We got there early enough to hear the preceding song or two as well, stayed for the very mini-fireworks display, and then walked back along the river amidst an ever-thinning crowd while the loudspeaker intoned, “RIVERFRONT PARK IS NOW CLOSED. PLEASE EXIT THE PARK.”

And so fireworks became the plan for Sunday, despite that day’s pairing with the work-laden Monday following it. By this point we were really zonked; so zonked, in fact, that we got it in our heads that it would be a good idea to go to Toys R Us and buy bicycles. Yes, bicycles from the toy store. Whatever. We got two Schwinns, apparently models that are so low-end they’re sold only at Toys R Us and Wal-Mart, and aren’t even listed on the Schwinn website. However, they are cute as hell and have two wheels each, and they helped us propel ourselves from here to the north end of Riverfront Park and back again. I’m looking forward to travelling south from here as well, now that the festival stuff has vacated and that section of the park is again open to bikes. Just not for a few more days, until my legs recover.

Luckily, we didn’t have to walk far to get to Sunday’s fireworks. Actually, we walked several blocks further than we had to, in pursuit of a Brasilian/Bluegrass band playing the festival. The plan was to drop in there, then head up to Suba, and then make our way back to the river. We got waylaid, though, by a sign outside the Civic Club of Harrisburg, right next to the stage where the B/B band was playing, indicating that they were serving dinner. Dinner! The woman at the gate suggested that many people like to eat, then hang around for the fireworks. The Civic Club has a lovely lovely building and lovely lovely yard, and is located between the north tip of City Island and the Harvey Taylor Bridge. We were convinced.

According to our server and the menu, the Civic Club is open as a “restaurant” during the three major Harrisburg festivals — ArtsFest, American Music Festival, and Kipona. Food is ably prepared by Karen’s Catering, and apparently service is performed by members of the Civic Club. I still haven’t figured out what the Civic Club does, except that they have a lovely lovely building used mostly for weddings and banquets.

And a yard with a perfect view of the fireworks.

city cats

So, we’re in midtown.

Our arrival coincided rather unfortunately with a spate of violence that I’m sure those of you who live in the area heard way too much about — but despite the coincidence, I swear, it wasn’t us. Anyway, the violence appears to have subsided, at least temporarily, following a number of arrests and the arrival of a fleet of shiny new police cars. Ah, Harrisburg.

Violence aside, I do have mixed feelings about the new locale. I love that we can walk downtown, or just up the street, for a fun evening. I love that we apparently know tons of people within a radius of just a few blocks. I don’t love that I worry about finding parking in a safe place if I get home after dark, and that our “yard” is a little concrete fenced-in strip comprising something like 10 square feet. I love the house itself, I just wish it came with two parking spaces and a beautiful-but-low-maintenance courtyard. I’ll keep dreaming.

In other news, I’ve been frantically cooking and consuming vegetables in a desperate effort to keep up with the weekly inundation. The highlight was probably zucchini & summer squash with garlic scape pesto. The low was probably today’s summer squash & beets scrambled eggs. I have a whole buncha beets I need to use up. I keep fantasizing about documenting the adventures, but, you know, I can’t even keep up with this blog, so that’s not very likely.

inspiration

I received today a very inspiring email. “I really miss your blog,” it said, and that was it. I thought about hitting reply and saying, “Me too,” but thought instead that I would just bite the bullet and write something (very) slightly more substantial, and post it — wait for it — to my blog.

So here it is.

I used to spend hours surfing the web and reading news stories looking for things to blog. Now I stumble upon something cool, or hear an interesting story on NPR, and think, “I should blog that.” Of course, I never do.

I used to think this blog was mostly an exercise in narcissism, but I think one of the biggest differences between my life in the blogging-days and my life in these non-blogging-days is to do with the extent to which my attention is focused inward, rather than outward. Those days, I had very little in my own life that was fulfilling or interesting to me, and I was passionate about widening my view, about seeing and understanding (or trying, at least) the things that mattered in the larger world. These days, I have a pretty full home and work life, scads of entertainment options (more on this later), and I have this sense that it’s time to work on understanding what happens next for me. Also, I have more disposable income, so surfing Amazon.com is now less frustrating than surfing NYTimes.com, which is largely just depressing.

The past few weeks, my Amazon time has dwindled as my Monster and Craigslist time has grown. Yes, I’m on the prowl for a job. I’m hoping for something with a title like “Business Analyst,” but I’ve sent resumes off for some totally unrelated things, too. I want something that stretches my brain, requires creative problem-solving, and has room for growth. Know of anything?

Entertainment. In the past few months I’ve acquired a Wii, an Amazon Kindle, and now a Wii Fit. I’ve got fun stuff to do out the wazoo. Next month, I get a new house, in midtown Harrisburg, in which to put it all. (We’re just renting, so I don’t really get the house, just use of its walls for a year.) Today I got an entertainment hybrid, in the form of the first round of the summer’s CSA share. Maybe doesn’t sound like entertainment to you, but I had a blast this evening looking up recipes containing mesclun mix, radishes, spring onions, and more. I was going to include a link, but apparently WordPress is broken, and when I link to things, it doesn’t display anything I’ve written after the tag. Anyway, making food utilizes those creative problem-solving skills, and they’re quite yummy.

Food and video games aside, I’m really enjoying the Kindle. It’s exactly what it’s intended to be, and it’s enhancing my experience of the world. I’m reading way more since I got it, because I never have to decide which book to take with me, and I have Newsweek wirelessly delivered every week, so I’m getting print news in a way I haven’t done in years. If I could blog from it (I suppose I could, just not easily), maybe you’d be reading more updates.

The Wii Fit is fun, too, in very different but still wholesome kind of way. Today’s only day two with it, so who knows if it’ll last, but I’ve never enjoyed fake hoola-hooping in my living room so much. The gluteus maximus is a little sore, though.

This is probably a very different sort of blog entry than the kind today’s emailer was envisioning that he missed. Maybe there’ll be something more relevant to other people’s lives later. Maybe not.

my so-called life

Were you a My So-Called Life fan?

I wasn’t a fan, I thought I was Angela Chase. I spent two years trying to dye my hair that exact shade of red. I was pretty sure I had a Rayanne, and a Brian, and a Sharon. Red Land didn’t offer much room for Rickys (Rickies?). In retrospect, of course, I see that my Rayanne was another middle-class child, and her mother was always home. I had many Jordan Catalanos, but none of them were ever, you know, mine.

Perhaps my Jordan Catalano came later, after the show had been cancelled, and I no longer sought MSCL analogues in every corner of my own so-called life. I wonder now why I didn’t view the cancellation as some great cosmic statement, some justification of my angst, that I really was so alienated from the world that it would see fit to cancel the one show that accurately portrayed what I at least imagined my interior life was like. Instead of thinking about that, I downloaded every picture of Claire Danes I could find on the then-fledgling internet, and papered the window in my bedroom with her face. Well, her and Adam Duritz.

ABC has finally released My So-Called Life on DVD. In perhaps the most brilliant marketing move ever, they also made the pilot available on their website.

Studies must show that we who lived through our teenage angst in the mid-nineties now have some sort of significant buying power, because the Counting Crows have also re-released August and Everything After. But that one didn’t make my Christmas list. I’ve been listening to it all along.

boring

“H” is right, this blog has been boring lately. Sorry about that.

Sometimes I set my alarm for 5am in the hopes that when it goes off I will be willing to get out of bed, maybe do some yoga, and then take my coffee and my freshly renewed brain to a desk and write for a while before it’s time to rush out the door. Normally when my alarm goes off at 5am, though, I set it to 6:15 and go back to sleep. But last night I went to bed an hour earlier than usual, and when it woke me up at 5am I was in the middle of a slightly disturbing dream (don’t remember, sorry), and I woke up gratefully and easily. So now it’s 5:55am, and I am sitting on the couch in my yoga attire, a glass of iced espresso beside me, and I thought I’d try to do something about the boringness of this blog.

No promises on that, though, as I’m not sure I have anything particularly interesting to write about. My life has been very narrowly focused lately, on myself, my home, and my job. Also on The Sims. When I have been writing recently, it’s been for work, writing the letter for our Annual Campaign. That’s been finished, returned miraculously quickly by the printer, and now all that remains is 1,600 envelopes to be stuffed, addressed, stamped, and sealed. That’ll take up most of today and tomorrow. Please make your gift (to The Circle School) by December 31st. Remember, it’s 100% tax-deductible!

I should probably weigh in on this whole presidential campaign thing at some point. So far, though, I’m mostly sans opinion. Like every other liberal-leaning person in the world I think Clinton, Obama, and Edwards are all decent options, but none of them have me really excited. In fairness to them, I haven’t been active enough about seeking out information to have anything to base excitement on, so that may not be their fault. I’m also thinking I should look into the Republican candidates, especially in light of the Romney revelation that they’re all pro-choice. At this point all I’m really sure of is that I won’t be voting for Chris Dodd, or anyone else who’s willing to say out loud that national security is more important than human rights. I’m pretty sure Ben Franklin predicted that moment.

At this moment, 6:15 is rapidly approaching, and that means it’s time for me to go upstairs and begin the rush to get out the door.

for the birds

I’m a pretty big fan of buying organic. I do it whenever practicable, not out of any real commitment to keeping impurities and chemicals out of my body, but because I figure it’s a painless way to at least reduce the contaminants in my blood stream, and, you know, feel like a good person.

Lately, however, I’m starting to think that pesticides are the way to go. First it was the worms in the corn, then the spiders (and their eggs!) on the kale, and tonight, well…let’s just say I don’t eat butterfly.

Chrysalis in the Rabe

gaps

I don’t always know ahead of time what a post will be about, but I did this time, so I started by trying to assign the relevant categories (listed up there under the post title). To my surprise, I have no categories for either “fashion” nor “environment”.

The two can probably only be called passing interests for me — in this post-An Inconvenient Truth world, everyone’s concerned about the environment, and I have to admit that recycling is a “when I think of it” thing rather than a way of life. And although I have a subscription to Lucky and I buy many more fashion magazines off the stand every month, well, most of my shoes are from Target.

A huge chunk of my non-shoe wardrobe, however, comes from Gap. I’d probably buy shoes there, too, but they don’t make them in my size. I buy Gap because there’s on one every corner (although no longer the corner of Haight and Ashbury), and because their clothes are reasonably priced and pretty much guaranteed never to go out of style. I never gave a thought to their “greenness”.

But apparently they’re greener than you might think. According to this article in The Motley Fool, Gap Inc. has been testing 100% organic cotton, hemp blends, and domestic violence outreach. I didn’t know either, but that’s kind of the whole point of the article — Gap has apparently neglected to capitalize on its conscience.

The only Gap mention of this stuff I can find is a tiny link at the bottom of their website, down there with the boring shit like “Privacy Policy” and “Investors”. The link says “Social Responsiblity“, but I’m too tired to read what follows. If it’s interesting, let me know. I’m still more interested in the clothes.

okay, okay

Okay, here’s an update.

I graduated on the 19th. It was kind of like turning 18 — a lifetime of anticipation, but when you wake up, well, it doesn’t really feel all that different. I have moments when I feel proud to be done, moments when I wonder what the hell took me so long, and — the majority — moments when I wonder just what the hell that piece of paper sitting in a tube in a box in a cluttered room of boxes is really going to do for me.

The cluttered room is full of boxes — instead of just unboxed clutter — because we’re getting ready to move in June. Now that I no longer have to drive to Westminster every day, there’s no reason for us to be in southern York County where our social life consists of talking to the Starbucks girls. My favorite days are those when it’s the cute Starbucks guy at the counter, but they are few and far between, and I’m ready for something a little more diverse.

So Mechanicsburg it is.

I had dreamt of living in Harrisburg proper, of going to city council meetings and walking along the river, but when I think of what life is likely to actually hold, it doesn’t include the time or energy for deep involvement in city politics, nor the willingness to deal with on-street parking, flooding, or a lack of grocery stores.

We’ll be moving just a mile or so from the new Wegmans, and while we won’t be within walking distance of the Susquehanna, our deck (and our bedroom!) will overlook the Conodoguinet, but from a great enough height to make it safe from floods. It’s enough to make me forget any philosophical issues I have with living in the ‘burbs.

And what will I be doing with my days? I’ll be working. And working on applying to grad schools. The latter part of that is important, because Harrisburg offers very few opportunities for a recent graduate to put her English degree to work, and the more I think about the more sure I am that I need to do something I couldn’t have done sans degree, if only to preserve my sanity. College was fun and rewarding and it got me out of working a real job for a couple of years and blah blah blah, but in this postmodern age we all want direct and immediate results, and I’m still looking for those. I mean beyond the enormous additions to my library.

When it comes time to move, it turns out hoarding books doesn’t seem like such a great idea after all.